Let’s see, where to start…I’ve been back from my vacation for 3 weeks now. I’m pretty much used to being back here. My time back home sort of feels like a strange dream. It was like a brief interruption in my life here. It’s a very hard feeling to explain. It really feels like a parallel existence. I don’t want to get all metaphysical or philosophical about it, but I wish I could put how I feel into better words than the last few sentences I just wrote.
I have been thinking more about staying here for possibly another 6 months or a year, in the capital. There’s work that I think I would enjoy doing here and I would be able to live very comfortably even on a low salary (low in comparison to an American salary). I’m hoping to find something that is around a 6 month deal/contract. I don’t really see the harm in staying a little longer. The more I realize that my time here is getting short (I have like 7 months left now…) the more I understand the uniqueness of this experience of living here. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy my life here in the village with my family, it’s a wonderful experience. But, the American in me is starting to slowly want its privacy back. Even though I’m considered a part of my family here (a fact which I am so very grateful for) I’m still in another family’s house, as a guest. I communicate not in my own language but in a second one, and I am surrounded by a different culture. There are some things, that no matter how integrated I become in this country, I can’t be 100% comfortable. I think that living in Bishkek (whether working at a possible PC position or at a “real job”) will be a good way to have the best of both worlds for a little bit; I’ll have the conveniences of a city and the privacy of living on my own, but still be living in another country, one that most people will never see or at the least come briefly as a tourist, only arriving and leaving here, never truly entering.
I had considered extending in my village to work another year but I feel like I would definitely need my own place, which is pretty much impossible in my village I think. Of course, I still go back and forth about the whole staying or leaving thing. Some days I find myself thinking “what the hell are you thinking, wanting to stay here? 27 months is long enough. Go back to your home and your friends and family etc etc” and at other times I find myself thinking along the lines of the reasoning I had to come here. I’m still young, nothing is holding me back from doing whatever I want or going wherever I can. I just think about the rarity of my whole situation. I’m living in the center of Asia, I’ve learned a language and a culture so very different from my own and part of me thinks there’s no reason view it as a “contract is finished time to leave” sort of thing. I hear a lot of volunteers talk about how they are getting out as soon as they can and are going to be happy to leave. I used to view leaving country the same way I think, but after being back home for vacation, America is no longer this ivory tower that dominates my thoughts of the future. Part of it might be fear of never being able to make it back here and seeing the friends and family I’ve made. I do know it’s not out of a fear of being unable to say goodbye…those things I’ve never had problems with. If things have to be some way then so be it, I’m not going to run from it. It’s like a pendulum that still hasn’t stopped swinging and most of the time I just have no idea what to do or what I want to do.
I’ve been reading a book my aunt gave me about a girl who taught English in Bhutan for 3 years and some of the things she writes about have really connected with me. She talks of being “uprooted” and I find that fascinating. It’s a pretty good one word explanation for how I feel now. I’m free in a sense that I never knew possible. Life here is so stimulating, whether things are good or bad and despite all the other problems. Of course I miss my family and friends greatly, but what can I do? The only other thing about America that I really miss (which pales in comparison to friends and family) is the conveniences of an American life. I’m obviously drawn to living here a little bit longer; otherwise I wouldn’t be having such an internal conversation about it.
So, as for that topic, I think I’m spent.
In other um, news…I went to my buddy Jonathan’s last weekend for Taco lunch on Sunday. It was fun and delicious. We watched Zombieland – which definitely exceeded my expectations – as we devoured our tacos.
I gave a training on Giving and Receiving Feedback to the teachers at my school last Thursday with my awesome Program Manager. It was so great to have her there to help out for the first one because it gave it much more of an “official-ness” to this new work PC wants us doing. We’re supposed to give like 3 or 4 professional development trainings and do observations of our counterparts at our schools for the 3rd and 4th quarters of school. It’s a good idea which I was pretty intimated and feeling sort of lazy about when I first got the information. I needed this push that my Program Manager gave me. A lot of the teachers, especially the younger ones, really enjoyed it and I will probably be giving another one on a different topic with my counterpart in 3 or 4 weeks.
I went to the nearby city on Friday and we went out to our new favorite club. I was a dancing machine and had a great time haha. I had to leave back for my village Saturday since guests were coming to our house for my host mom’s 50th birthday which is going on right now. I needed a break from sitting, drinking tea, talking, and eating (which started the moment I got home from the city Saturday afternoon) for a little bit. I’ve been writing this blog post off and on the whole day and now I’m sitting in my room with the doors shut to get some alone time. My brothers and I got my host mom a nice watch and a cake for her birthday. She was also nice enough to get me a few beers for her bday to drink instead of getting wine, which is usually what I get since I don’t drink vodka here. We’re about to eat Besh Barmak, which is good since I’m nearing the end of this blog post….and before I could finish I was summoned to join everyone for the feast! It’s almost midnight, which means my electricity is going to go out. I don’t think there’s much else in terms of what’s new for me here. How’s everyone doing back home? Write me!
Pat
This is my friend Jonathan's bed aka Heat Tent. His apt doesn't have much heat so he improvises...there's a heater under there somewhere.
This is Jonathan.
Jonathan's cat Collette. I think her name sucks so I call her Bullet since she is insane.
1 comments:
Pat, thanks for coming into my class and sharing your experiences, the kids really enjoyed it. Keep sharing the pics of everyday life--the kids enjoy seeing the. Keep warm.
Tom Guerin
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